Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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