marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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