Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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