Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize