Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
