sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize