come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
