I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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