4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
as a side note pls kill me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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