i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
