I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
