Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I smell like Dick and happiness
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
