we have officially lost it.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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