fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
