Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
