Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
