I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
