so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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