Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
