In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
