apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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