Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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