we have pet lesbian snakes
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
