also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
