my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
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I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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