I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
