but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
