How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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