There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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