Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
