i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
