Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
