Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
