so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
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I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
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Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.