after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
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I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
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Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.