I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"