I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
