Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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