wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My pussy is not your playground.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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