Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
