i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
