She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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