we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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