I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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