I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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