i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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