I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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