I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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