i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
