Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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