I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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