is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
