textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
