I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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