Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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