never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
