According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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