We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
