My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
