i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
