dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
