The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
