Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You took a bar mat shot.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
