you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
