i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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