I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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