Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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