Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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