we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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