He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
