im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
