Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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