one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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