Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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