Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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