you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Randomize
