yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
