It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
