Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have tasted many bathrooms
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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