Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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