I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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